Fifth Column
Socialist Republic1982No public scan is online for this item; the text below was read from a privately held copy.
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REAGANOMICS As part of Reagan’s cutbacks in school lunch programmes tomato Ketchup and pickle relish will qualify as one of the two vegetables at cach meal.
CAUSE AND EFFECT In a part of the United States where Ronald Reagan recently took a holiday there has been an outbreak of bubonic plague, DEAD RIGHT Nancy Reagan says: “Il agree with the death penalty. 1 think people would be alive today if there was a death penalty.”
UNDEMOCRATIC SOCIALIST “| hope he will retain his liberal, progressive qualities and demonstrate them in this House...” — Jim Kemmy praising the unelected Fine Gael Minister for Foreign Affairs.
ALCANTRAZ Getting off the Alcan site on Aughinish Island during working hours can be quite a feat. The red tape involved in doing so often makes it not worth the effort. Recently a worker who had received a leg injury on the site had to wait around for half an hour while his mates searched for the appropriate foreman to sign the ‘“‘release’’ docket.
THE INSANE SOCIETY In 1851 the New Orleans Medical and Surgical Journal described a new disease — Drapetomania - a form of ‘insanity’ found only in Negro slaves and characterised by their desire to run away from their master!